论父母和子女 OF PARENTS AND CHILDREN

Of Parents and Children

By Francis Bacon

The joys of parents are private, and so are their sorrows and fears. They cannot fully express their happiness, and they often choose not to express their worries. Children make hard work more rewarding, but they also make misfortunes more painful. They add to the responsibilities of life, yet they lessen the fear of death because parents live on through them.

The continuation of a family through children is something that humans share with animals. However, leaving behind memories, achievements, and great works is uniquely human. Indeed, many of the greatest achievements and institutions have been created by people without children. Since they could not leave descendants of their bodies, they sought to leave descendants of their minds. Therefore, concern for future generations is often strongest in those who have no children of their own.

Those who first establish and build up a family are usually especially fond of their children, seeing them not only as the continuation of their bloodline but also as the continuation of their life's work.

Parents often do not love all their children equally, and this inequality is sometimes unfair, especially on the mother's part. As Solomon said, “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings shame to his mother.” One often sees families in which one or two of the eldest children receive special attention, while the youngest are spoiled. Meanwhile, some children in the middle are almost forgotten, yet these neglected children often turn out to be the most capable.

When parents are too stingy in providing for their children, it is a harmful mistake. It lowers their character, teaches them to use tricks and shortcuts, drives them into poor company, and often causes them to become excessive and wasteful when they later acquire wealth. Therefore, the best approach is for parents to maintain their authority over their children, but not control them through money alone.

Parents, teachers, and even servants often make the mistake of encouraging rivalry among brothers during childhood. Such rivalry frequently develops into serious conflict in adulthood and creates divisions within families.

The Italians make little distinction between their own children, their nephews, and other close relatives. As long as they belong to the same family, they care for them regardless of whether they are their direct descendants. In truth, nature often works in a similar way. We sometimes see a nephew resemble an uncle or another relative more closely than his own father, depending on how inherited traits are passed down.

Parents should choose early the profession or path they intend their children to follow, because children are most adaptable when young. Parents should not rely too much on their children's current preferences, assuming they will do best only in what they naturally enjoy. It is true that when a child shows exceptional talent or inclination toward something, it is wise not to oppose it. But as a general rule, the old advice is sound:

“Choose the best course, and habit will make it pleasant and easy.”

Younger brothers are often fortunate in life, but seldom or never when the elder brother has been deprived of his inheritance.

Modern English Translation by ChatGPT

The original: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/56463/56463-h/56463-h.htm#Page_82