14.12 郑伦和陈奇 Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange

目录 Catalog：1. 顺皇宠爱的情人 Emperor Shun's Favorite Valentines；2. 两只晕羊Two Fainting Sheep；3. 祸起萧墙 Trouble Arises from Within；4. 天兵降临 Sky Soldiers Descend；5. 郑伦和陈奇失业了 Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange are Unemployed；6. 尘香听走神了 Dust-scent was Lost in Thought；7. 应急国安措施Emergency National Security Measures；8. 社会的根基 Foundation of Society；9. 讨论找工作 Discussions on Job Hunting；10. 女娲造人出错了 Nuwa Made a Mistake in Creating Humans

郑伦和陈奇（如图14.12-2），号黑白双煞，是商朝（公元前1600—1046年）初年顺皇（如图1）时代的两位将军，功劳卓著。退休后，他俩被黄帝大禹封为了窑神来守位本文中的行宫（汉窑）。因为他们俩的智慧特殊，法力无边，大禹称他俩功德无量，就被佛教尊为无量佛了。

Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange (as shown in Figure 14.12-2), known as the Black and White Fearsome, were two generals during the reign of Emperor Shun (see fig. 1) in the early Shang Dynasty (1600–1046 BCE), distinguished by their outstanding achievements. After retiring, they were consecrated by Yellow Creator Big Yu as Kiln Gods of the Migration Palace (Han Kiln). Renowned for their extraordinary intelligent gnosis and boundless juristic powers, Big Yu honored them as immeasurably virtuous, leading Buddhism to venerate them as Infinite Buddhas.

他们俩又被称作哼哈二将；在现代社会，大亨仍然是绝对权威的代名词。人们一提到大亨这个词，都肃然起敬。郑伦和陈奇喜欢葵花。图4是墨西哥雨神特拉洛克（他是佛，金童，亚当，墨西哥的缔造者）在六百年前为他俩画的葵花。

They are also known as the Heng and Ha Generals. In modern society, the term “Big Heng” remains synonymous with absolute authority. The mere mention of the term “Big Heng” commands profound respect. Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange love sunflowers. Figure 4 depicts the sunflowers painted for them six hundred years ago by Tlaloc, the Mexican rain god (who is also a Buddha, Gold Boy, Adam, and the creator of Mexico).

1. 顺皇宠爱的情人 Emperor Shun's Favorite Valentines

尘香和尘凡常和守窑的士兵们一起操练，和将军们摔跤，交流武艺。尘香注意到了两位高大英俊的将军，郑伦和陈奇。他俩常路过行宫，但从不和其他的将军交流武艺。尘凡已经和他俩对视过几次了，看他们俩动作僵硬迟缓，上马下马时小心翼翼的。人们说他俩是顺皇目前最宠爱的两位情人。沉香对此迷惑不解：为什么顺皇喜欢这两个绣花枕头？

Dust-scent and Dust-mortal often trained alongside the soldiers guarding the kiln (the migration palace), wrestling with the generals and exchanging martial arts techniques. Dust-scent noticed two tall, handsome generals, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange. They frequently passed by the migration palace but never exchanged martial arts with the other generals. Dust-scent had already exchanged glances with them several times, observed their movements were stiff and slow, and they were extremely cautious when mounting and dismounting horses. Rumor had it they were Emperor Shun's most favored valentines at present. Dust-scent found this perplexing: Why did Emperor Shun favor these two useless pretty boys?

一天尘香在县政府和同事临冲和路引唠嗑的时候，说起了对郑伦和陈奇的迷惑。林冲说：“我们的法库县，现在已经是法师之乡了。自从十年前，你姥姥西王母把女娲家的祖坟迁到了这里，这里已经来了全国有名的四十多家法师世家。法师也分很多种，郑伦和陈奇是目前政论法师们讨论的焦点。路引就和几位法师很熟，尤其是那位政论法师。”

One day while chatting with colleagues Before-charging and Path-leader at the county government office, Dust-scent voiced his confusion about Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange. Before-charging remarked, "Our Faku County has become a homeland for juristic teachers. Ever since your grandmother, King Mother of the West, relocated her ancestral tomb of Nuwa clan here a decade ago, over forty renowned juristic teacher families from across the nation have settled here. There are many types of juristic teachers, and Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange are currently the focal points of discussion among political juristic teachers. Path-leader is quite familiar with several juristic teachers, especially that Political-discussion."

从此尘香就常跟随林冲和路引去办理和法师相关的纠纷，常去看法师们做法。什么是做法？本书就是法师的教材，这书里面的大部分故事都不是自然发生的，而是由法师们导演的。

From then on, Dust-scent often accompanied Before-charging and Path-leader to handle disputes involving juristic teachers, frequently observing their making-laws (rituals). What exactly is a making-law? This book serves as the juristic teachers' textbook—most of the stories within it are not naturally occurring events, but rather staged by the juristic teachers themselves.

2. 两只晕羊 Two Fainting Sheep

一天，尘香向政论法师询问郑伦和陈奇。

政论法师对尘香说：“我们政论法师行业有很多名人，例如当代的三皇（即尧舜禹）五帝（元始天尊，蔻珠，玉皇大帝和西王母，女娲和伏羲，还有尧皇和二郎神）都是政论法师。政论法师行业的入门知识是金童和玉女（参见10.9 上帝的三和合），例如玉皇大帝，伏羲，和禹皇都是金童；西王母，女娲，和顺皇都是玉女。”

One day, Dust-scent inquired of juristic teacher Political-Discussion about Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange.

Political-Discussion juristic teacher said to Dust-scent: "Our profession of Political Juristic Teacher boasts many renowned figures. For instance, the Three White-kings (Yao, Shun, Yu) of our era and the Five Creators (Primordial Sky Honor, Kouzhu, Turquoise White-king Great Creator, Jiang’zhu (Nuwa), and White-king Yao), are all Political Science Juristic Teachers. The foundational knowledge of the Political Science Juristic Teachers profession involves the Gold Boy and Jade Girl (see fig. 3, see 10.9 Godly Trinity). For instance, Turquoise White-king Great Creator, Fuxi, and White-king Yu are all Gold Boys; while King Mother of the West, Nuwa, and Emperor Shun are all Jade Girls."

政论继续说：“几年前，顺皇在下口镇面试将军们推荐的士官学校的学生时，在一位江南将军推荐的低阶军官中看见了郑伦。她和他谈了几句。随后，顺皇在另一位将军推荐的低阶军官中看见了陈奇，她也和他交谈了几句。 随后她跟女婴叨咕，‘陈奇和郑伦是一对儿（玉女类型的男人和金童；如图14.12-2）；如果把他俩放在一起，就成为一位好的将军了（如图3）。”

女婴回答：“那两个人是两只晕羊。”

顺皇问：“晕羊是什么？”

Political-Discussion said to Dust-scent continuedly: "A few years ago, when Emperor Shun was interviewing students from the cadet school recommended by generals in Xiakou Town, he saw Correct-Ethic among the low-ranking officers recommended by a general. She talked to him for a few words. Later, she saw Exhibit-Strange among the low-ranking officers recommended by another general, and she also talked to him for a few words. Then she muttered to Heroine, 'This Exhibit-Strange and that Correct-Ethic are a pair (a gold boy and a boy of jade girl type), if you are put the two together, they will become a good general (see fig. 3). "

Heroine replied, “Those two are fainting sheep.”

Emperor Shun asked, “What are fainting sheep?”

女婴回答：“晕羊一受到惊吓就晕倒。有些养羊的人就故意羊一两只晕羊。当羊群遇见狼了，晕羊受到惊吓就晕倒了，就被狼吃了；所以羊群得到了保护。郑伦和陈奇都在幼年时有过创伤，导致了他们的肢体运动不协调，反应迟钝。他们上战场，容易受伤，活不了多久就死了。有些将军利用他们这种人的这个特性，用他们做诱饵来引诱敌人上钩。”

顺皇惊讶地叨咕：“这么损！”

女婴回答：“打仗就会有死伤；舍不出孩子套不住狼。他们练习七伤拳人（修习佛教武功的人）的战术就这样。”

Heroine answered, “Fainting sheep faint when frightened. Some shepherds deliberately keep one or two fainting sheep. When the flock encounters wolves, the frightened fainting sheep collapse and are eaten by the wolves; thus, the flock is protected. Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange both suffered childhood trauma that left them with poor motor coordination and slow reactions. When they went into battle, they were easily injured and didn't survive long. Some generals exploited this trait, using them as bait to lure the enemy into traps."

Emperor Shun muttered in astonishment, “How cruel!”

Heroine replied, “War inevitably brings casualties; you can't catch a wolf without sacrificing a lamb. That's how the Seven Wounds Fist practitioners (those who practice Buddhist martial arts) use their tactics.”

3. 祸起萧墙 Trouble Arises from Within

政论对尘香说：“三年后，顺皇（即尘香的母亲，号女娲，嫘祖，如图1）在士官学校的毕业名单上发现了郑伦和陈奇。他们俩将被送回推荐他们来的部队；而那两只部对将出去打仗了。她就和她的副卫队长谈了郑伦和陈奇的事。那位副队长就去了那两只部队把郑伦和陈奇要了出来，带回了皇宫，编进了顺皇的卫队。当时顺皇卫队的队长不在。卫队长回来后，听说来了两个新的卫兵，要看看。卫兵们告诉队长，‘新来的卫兵正在顺皇的寝宫里伺候顺皇呢！’ 队长大叫，‘卫兵和皇帝有私情会破坏卫队的团结，削减卫队的战斗力。’ 说着他就去向天蓬元帅，女婴，汇报这事去了。”

Political-Discussion told Dust-scent: "Three years later, Emperor Shun (Dust-scent's mother, fames Nuwa, Lei Ancestor, see fig. 1) discovered Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange on the graduation roster of the military academy. Both were to be returned to the units that had recommended them, as those two units were about to be deployed to the front lines. She discussed the matter of Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange with her deputy guard captain. The deputy captain went to those two units, retrieved Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange, brought them back to the palace, and assigned them to Emperor Shun's guard. At that time, the captain of Emperor Shun's guard was absent. Upon his return, the captain heard of the two new guards and demanded to see them. The guards informed him, ‘The new recruits are currently attending to Emperor Shun in her private quarters!’ The captain roared, ‘Guards engaging in private affairs with the emperor undermine the unity of the guard and diminish its combat effectiveness!’ With that, he went to report the matter to Celestial Ceiling Marshal, Heroine.”

政论继续说：“女婴听了顺皇卫队长的汇报后，也慌了，说，‘顺皇和小金童睡在一起了。那小金童很快就对大金童（即大禹，禹皇）构成人身威胁了。你先回去做你自己该做的事。我去找国务院总理，娥黄，商量这事，配合你的工作。”

Political-Discussion continued: “After hearing the report from the captain of the Shun Emperor's guard, Heroine also panicked, saying, “The Shun Emperor is sleeping with the Little Gold Boy. That Little Gold Boy will soon pose a physical threat to the Big Gold Boy (i.e., Big Yu, White-king Yu). You go back and do what you're supposed to do. I'll go find the Prime Minister of the State Council, Beauty Yellow, to discuss this matter and coordinate with your work.’”

顺皇的卫队长回到皇宫后求见顺皇。顺皇让他进寝宫说话。卫队长进了顺皇寝室，看见她正和郑伦和陈奇赤身裸体地搂抱着呢，报告说：“皇帝和卫兵的亲密关系会破坏卫队的团结。我不同意接受郑伦和陈奇成为您的卫兵。这事，我已经向女婴汇报过了。”

顺皇说：“我要安插两个士官学校的毕业生到我的卫队。你不同意，那你就把卫队长的职权交给副队长吧。”

The captain of Emperor Shun's guards returned to the palace and asked to see Shun Emperor. Emperor Shun asked him to come to the bedroom to talk. The captain entered Emperor Shun's bedroom and saw her hugging Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange naked. He reported: "The close relationship between the emperor and the guards will destroy the unity of the guards. I do not agree to accept Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange as your guards. I have reported this to Heroine."

Emperor Shun declared, “I intend to place two graduates from the military academy to my personal guard. If you disagree, then relinquish the authority of guard commander to the deputy commander.”

女婴和娥黄来皇宫查看，听说顺皇把她的卫队长撤职了，商议说，“看样子，咱俩现在不应该去劝说。她可能不会在两个 ‘小帅哥’ 面前给咱俩面子。” 女婴和娥黄告诉已经被撤职的卫队长说：“随后我们俩各派一队人来皇宫。你指挥他们，利用天棚安全通道，把郑伦和陈奇圈禁在顺皇的寝宫和她的小后花园里面。他们俩的活动范围小，就不愿意住在皇宫里了。他们俩就该自己想办法离开皇宫了。”

Heroine and Beauty-Yellow came to the palace to check. When they heard that Emperor Shun had dismissed her guard captain, they discussed, "It seems that we should not go to persuade her now. She may not give us face in front of the two 'young hunks'." Heroine and Beauty-Yellow told the dismissed guard captain, "We will each send a team to the palace later. You command them to use the ceiling safety passages to seal Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange in Emperor Shun's bedroom and her small back garden. The two of them wouldn't want to live in the palace with their small range of activities. It would be time for the two of them to find their own way out of the palace."

4. 天兵降临 Sky Soldiers Descend

郑伦和陈奇很快熟悉了顺皇的寝宫和小后花园。一天，顺皇不在，他俩就开始探索皇宫了。他们俩刚要进入顺皇的厨房去拿些酒和水果，一队不知道从哪里出来的卫兵挡住了他们俩的去路。挡他们路的人有的穿着一身青衣，有的穿着一身黄衣，有的穿着一身红衣，还有的穿着一身白衣。他们没有间隙地一个挨着一个站成一排，而且都不说话。

Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange quickly became familiar with the emperor’s bedchamber and the small rear garden. One day, while the emperor was away, the two began exploring the palace. Just as they were about to enter the imperial kitchen to fetch some wine and fruit, a squad of guards appeared out of nowhere, blocking their path. Some wore turquoise robes, others yellow, some red, and a few white. They stood in a tight formation, shoulder to shoulder, not uttering a word.

这哥儿俩去到了卫兵的厨房，吃了些剩饭。回来后，他俩决定去皇宫的前厅看看。忽然一群从天棚上下来的卫兵挡住了他们俩的去路。这群人也是穿着或青或黄或赤或白的衣服，一个挨着一个地站成一排。

顺皇回来后，郑伦和陈奇问她：“那些从天棚上下来的，穿着青黄赤白衣服的人是什么人？”

顺皇回答：“什么青黄赤白人，我没见过。你俩领我去看看！”

The two brothers made their way to the guards' kitchen and ate some leftovers. After returning, they decided to explore the palace's front hall. Suddenly, a group of guards descended from the ceiling, blocking their path. These men, dressed in robes of turquoise, yellow, red, and white, stood in a row, shoulder to shoulder.

After Emperor Shun returned, Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange asked her, “Who were those people dressed in turquoise, yellow, red, and white robes who descended from the ceiling?”

Emperor Shun replied, "What turquoise, yellow, red and white people, I have never seen. You two lead me to have a look!"

郑伦和陈奇就走向皇宫的前堂，顺皇跟在后面。果然，没走多远，一队穿黄色衣服的卫兵和一队穿着青色衣服的卫兵从走廊两边的柱子上滑了下来。三个领队穿着红制服，另外三个领队穿着白制服。他们一个挨着一个地并排挡住了郑伦和陈奇的去路。顺皇走过去看了看，就向回走。一边走她还一边叨咕：“外面那么大，那俩人为什么一定要把她们的男人放到皇宫里。我的皇宫成了什么地方了！？”

回到寝宫后，顺皇告诉郑伦和陈奇：“那些男人，连我都不敢碰，你们俩可别招惹他们。”

Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange then walked towards the front hall of the palace, with Emperor Shun following behind. Sure enough, without going far, a group of guards in yellow and a group in turquoise slid down the pillars on both sides of the corridor. Three of the six leaders wore red uniform, the other three are in white. They blocked Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange's way side by side, one next to the other. Emperor Shun walked over to look at them and walked back. As she walked, she muttered, "It's so big out there, why must those two put their men in the palace. What has my palace become!?"

After returning to the bedchamber, Emperor Shun told Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange: "Those men, even I dare not touch, you two should not provoke them."

5. 政论和陈奇失业了 Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange are Unemployed

一天，郑伦和陈奇向顺皇报告，他们俩被新的皇帝卫队长开除了，需要找工作。

顺皇抱着茅台酒瓶子询问怎么回事。

郑伦回答：“新的卫队长要带着我们俩熟悉皇宫的布防。但是那群穿着青黄赤白的安全局警察不许我们俩走得更远。他就无可奈何地说，‘这我没办法了！我是皇宫的卫队长，负责皇宫的全面安全。你们俩不能跟着我们了。’”

One day, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange reported to Emperor Shun that they had been dismissed by the new imperial guard captain and needed to find work.

Emperor Shun, clutching a bottle of Maotai liquor, inquired about the situation.

Correct-ethic replied, “The new captain of the guard was supposed to take us both on a tour of the palace's defenses. But those Security Bureau officers in their turquoise, yellow, red, and white uniforms wouldn't let us go any further. He just sighed helplessly and said, ‘There's nothing I can do about it! I'm the captain of the palace guard, responsible for the palace's overall security. You two can't come with us any longer.’”

顺皇说：“哪天我遇见娥黄和女婴后，问问她们俩那是怎么回事。你们俩想喝茅台酒不？”

陈奇回答：“不喝！茅台酒很贵！”

顺皇说：“那你们俩就少喝点儿，尝尝！我不要钱。”

郑伦和陈奇品尝了些茅台酒后，顺皇说：“看你们俩可不像是第一次喝茅台酒。我就发现我这瓶子里的茅台酒变少了。你们俩偷喝过几次了？这瓶茅台酒是我昨天才打开的，今天就剩下一瓶底了；你们俩一天喝掉了一位将军一年的薪水（五百两银子）”

Emperor Shun said, “The day I meet Beauty Yellow and Heroine, I'll ask them what's going on. Do you two want some Maotai?”

Exhibit-strange replied, “No thanks! Maotai is too expensive!”

Emperor Shun said, “Then just have a little taste! I won't charge you.”

After Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange sampled some Maotai, Emperor Shun remarked, “You two don't seem like first-timers with Maotai. I just noticed the level in my bottle has dropped. How many times have you two been sneaking sips? This bottle of Maotai Alcohol was only opened yesterday, and today there's barely a drop left; You two drank away a general's entire year's salary (500 taels of silver) in a single day.”

返回女娲后人的目录Return Catalog of Nuwa’s Descendant