川习分天下？
（长桌上放着一幅世界地图。）
习（语速平缓）：
川普先生，世界运行成本越来越高，
我们是不是可以考虑——
分区负责，各尽其责？
川（猛地抬头）：
Whoa.
Hold on.
You're talking as if you own half of the world.
习（微笑）：
不是拥有，
是承担。
川：
承担？
High-sounding words.
But I've got news for you.
This is about trade deals.
If our money fuels bad actors in our backyard,
the buying stops. Period.
Now offer me something I can sell to the American people.
习（听完翻译，眼皮更形下垂）：
西半球稳定与否，当然要看川普先生。
东半球稳定与否，当然看我。
各有规则，合作双赢嘛。
双双赢麻了，多好！
川（笑了一声）：
Rules?
So you offer rules.
Rules are cheap.
Very cheap.
Power, on the other hand, is expensive.
And America paid for a lot of it.
With all due respect, President Xi,
don't bite off more than you can chew.
What's up—
（门忽然打开。）
欧盟代表：
我们反对任何“势力范围”的划分，
即使是纸上谈兵也反对。
顺便补充一句——
咱们欧人拥有纸上谈兵的专利。
这里是联合国的认证。
不信就看看。
（习瞪着欧。）
川（随手一挥）：
Relax.
You'll still have values.
Lots of values.
Nobody's taking away your values.
习：
川普先生，
你不觉得、
现在的世界已经分化了吗？
川 （不禁莞尔）：
Facts change.
They change all the time.
People change facts every day.
Deals don't.
Deals stay — unless I renegotiate them.
Which I do. Very successfully.
习（语气稍硬）：
那你希望怎样？
川：
Look.
America doesn't take the sunset side.
Not even in the worst case.
And by the way —
I always plan for the best case.
Always.
习：
意思是？
川：
It means we don't “manage decline.”
That's your specialty, not ours.
President Xi, you're my buddy.
But buddies compete.
Trump competes everywhere — Greenland included.
（短暂停顿。）
习：
那你为什么还坐在这儿？
川（咧嘴一笑）：
Because talking is cheap.
Very cheap.
Not talking?
That costs elections.
Count your blessings, my friend.
You don't need to worry about elections.
习：
选举不如举手。
举手表态，多快好省。
不如——
在联合国搞个公投。
川：
Hahaha!
You've got a sense of humor,
after all.
欧（小声）：
We are big fans of the UN.
With the UN on our side,
we demand a multilateral framework.
川：
The EU loves the UN. I get that.
But here's the problem:
Frameworks don't win votes in America.
Never have.
习（做个手势，示意欧靠边站）：
川普先生，
世界不是擂台。
川：
Really?
OK. You don't like “arena.”
How about “stage”?
Everything is a stage.
Everything.
Some people sell tickets.
Some people write scripts.
Some people—
they just complain.
（向欧扮个鬼脸）
习：
那你担心什么？
川：
I'm worried you're selling balance—
but expecting obedience
if not also obeisance.
That's not balance.
That's imbalance, pure and simple.
习（急喝一口散发怪味的茶）：
楚河汉界不好么？
川：
You mean bipolar geopolitics?
How about MAGA?
I expect competition, buddy.
Hard competition.
Fair? No guarantees.
Boring? Never.
（两人对视，气氛直逼“决战紫禁之巅”。）
习：
看来……
（时钟滴答作响。）
川：
I don't mean to rush you.
All I'm saying is this:
It's leverage I'm looking for.
Global leverage.
Count on that.
（欧盟代表叹气。习又端起怪味茶。川已起身告辞。）
川：
Sayonara!
（长桌上的世界地图不见了。）
作者：纫秋兰