请网友帮忙翻译 Replacing Filters (英文，搞笑）

Replacing Filters

 

This is my real experience, but first, let me give you some background information. I am not very handy around the house. I have a Reverse Osmosis (RO) system at home for drinking water. The filters were supposed to be replaced every 6 months. It had been a year and the water tasted like mud. I finally called a plumber and he said, yes, I can replace your filters for 300 bucks. After I complained that it was too expensive, he told me I could do it myself if I got a filter replacement kit for 30 bucks. So I decided to give it a try.

 

I started the big project on a Saturday when my wife took my son to some extra curricular activities. I followed the instructions step by step, very carefully. Turn off the water, check. Drain the water from the tank, check. Take off the filter houses and discard the old filters, check. Wash and rinse the filter houses, check. Wash and rinse the O-rings, check. Lubricate the O-rings with K-Y Jelly ...

 

Only later I learnt the intended purpose of K-Y Jelly. It was a good lubricant all right, but it was not intended for O-rings. But at that time I had no idea. Since it was not included in the kit, I stopped the work at hand, and headed for Home Depot to buy K-Y Jelly.

 

Home Depot was huge, I looked around for a long time but could not find it, and finally asked a young guy working there. He apparently had no idea either, and after I told him it was to lubricate O-rings of an RO system, he took me to an aisle that was full of lubricants, but there was no K-Y Jelly. He asked another older guy, and he said they did not carry this brand.

 

"Where can I get it?"

 

"I don't know. My wife knows, maybe you should call her." He joked.

 

Errr?! What's wrong with the American work force? I thought. By the way, I am an immigrant from China, and sometimes a bit slow in grasping the western-style humor.

 

It happened that a lady was standing nearby. She over-heard us and said, "Target has it, under pharmacy."

 

Errr?! Drinking water and pharmacy? I have to say it's a bit of a stretch to relate these two.

 

So I went to Target, and looked under pharmacy for a long time but could not find it.

 

A young lady working there came over and asked, "Can I help you?"

 

"Yes, I was told you have K-Y Jelly, but cannot find it."

 

"It is right over there." She pointed.

 

"Where?"

 

"There, next to the condoms."

 

Errr?! No wonder I couldn't find it. What is the logic behind this arrangement? Maybe it is some government scare tactics? TEENAGE GIRLS, PROTECT YOURSELVES! THINK ABOUT A CONDOM EVEN WHEN YOU DRINK WATER!

 

Anyway, I didn't have much time to think. It was late, and it was a mess at home, and there was no water in the kitchen, and my wife and son would be home soon. I went over, and found a whole bunch of them. I did not read the fine prints on them, but the larger prints were all the same: K-Y Jelly and Lubricant. Warming Sensation.

 

Errr?! Don't people put ice in their drinking water?

 

"Excuse me, do you have a K-Y Jelly with a cooling sensation?"

 

The young lady was very friendly and patient: "No, I am afraid not. Warming sensation is good. Give it a try. You will like it!"

 

I was skeptical (how many filters did she change?) and said, a little reluctantly: "All right, I will take your words for it and assume you have enough experience and know what you are talking about." She rolled her eyes, but I didn't pay much attention: "I generally take my time when shopping, and make sure I get the right product. But today I am sort of in a hurry."

 

She winked at me: "In a hurry, huh?"

 

I was completely innocent: "Yes. I didn't know I needed this when I got started, and had to leave in the middle of the whole thing to get it. Imagine what a mess I left behind! I'd better rush back to finish the job before my wife and son come back."

 

She had a very strange expression on her face: "OKey! Enjoy!!"

 

I was like, what are you talking about? "To be honest I don't enjoy it at all. Actually I hate it! I am just not the kind of guy for such a job. But hey, a man got to do what a man got to do."

 

At that time she became a little serious: "You know, if you don't enjoy it, you don't have to do it."

 

"I know I know, but they charge 300 bucks to do it for me ..."

 

I had to get out of there in hurry, because the lady was about to call the police.