青柳诊所手记54

青柳诊所手记54

太阳刚升起来，我已经在花园里摘了满满一袋子戴着露珠的蓝莓。然后我坐下来休息，拿出一本诗歌读着。 

园里的水果都在渐渐长大。单是李子，阿里医生今年就种了好几个品种，有紫色的黄色的和红色的。那天阿里医生在园里干活时，他东找找西瞧瞧，好不容易找到两颗快要成熟的李子，他像孩子一样呵呵笑着，将一颗果子递给我，他自己一颗，举起来在我的李子上面碰一碰，算是干杯的意思。我们就这样把今年的第一颗果实干掉了。 

阿里医生在佛像旁弄了一个微型喷泉，它是太阳能驱动的。喷泉里面有不少掉落下来的玫瑰花瓣。 

这几天看了好几个癌症病人。我感觉今年的癌症病人比往年的这个时候多了不少，尤其是乳腺癌。 

有一个癌症病人，我暂且叫她M。征得她的同意，我在这里简约地写一写她。

M是个很忧郁的人。自从去年我认识她以来，她总是一副心事重重的样子。我几乎从来没有看见她微笑过，更不用说开怀大笑了。这是她第二次得乳腺癌。她很怕针，我治疗时尽量只给她小小的耳针（Auriculotherapy），有时候也用刮痧、拔罐和拨筋这样的手法。 

有一次她有些不好意思地说：“对不起，安娜医生，我也不知道为什么我会这么敏感。你就算轻轻碰碰我，什么针都不用，有时我都还感觉痛。” 

“这是好事啊，说明你是个对能量超级敏感的人，” 我说，“痛的时候你就喊出来。”

“ 啊，不行，”她腼腆地说，“我不习惯喊出来。我是个内向的人。我痛的时候就咬紧牙关抱紧身子。”

“不可以这样，M，” 我向她强调，“每次你稍微感到一点痛，我都希望你能大声叫出来。”

“为什么非得大声叫出来？” 
”这样才能把藏在你瓶子里面的那些负能量都倒出来呀。我的师父说过了，绝大多数人的癌症其实都是没有表达出来的愤怒。当它被充分表达出来时，患者就差不多在通往疗愈的旅途上了。” 

“我不确定我是否完全理解你的师父的意思。你能再详细讲讲他的思想吗？”

“当然，他的主要观点是：健康的身体源于一个人懂得如何去释放内心深层的压力。为了健康，我们必须学会释放那些不必要的能量，例如压力、焦虑、伤害、疼痛、沮丧，因为所有这些被压抑的情绪对我们的健康都有害无益。”

她若有所思地看着我。 

我笑着向她描述我的师父的诊所。那是在亚洲，一个小小的治疗所。老师很著名，来求诊的人络绎不绝。他同一个时间可以看好多个病人。大家躺在那里，惨叫声、哭泣声、哀嚎声此起彼伏。远远听去，这里似乎就是一个屠宰场。再看看医生手里拿的是什么武器？不是刀，不是针，不过是一根小小的比铅笔粗不了多少的木片而已！而几分钟后，那些叫得惊天动地的患者们从床上一跃而起，一个个带着快乐而感激的笑容离开了。 

M惊奇地看着我，“你是说他们都痊愈了吗？” 

“我不能说百分之百都痊愈了，但我可以肯定，他们比来时都好多了。他们得到的远远超过了他们所期待的。他们如果需要更进一步的疗愈，随时都可以回来啊。” 

“可是，” M困惑地拧起眉毛，“为什么小小的比铅笔大不了多少的木片会让他们嚎成那个样子呢？” 

“我的师父说，其实让患者疼痛的，不是他的治疗手段，也不是他的治疗工具，而是当患者们曾经经历过的那些伤害、愤怒、委屈、挫折、焦虑和恐惧跑出来时，它们都喜欢嚎叫一下。所以师父治病时总是叫患者张着嘴巴，方便那些不需要的能量跑出来。” 

M似有所悟。以后每次我给她治疗时，素来有些怕羞的她也学会喊叫了。有一次她动情地说，“安娜医生，你说得很对，我的癌症确实是来自于过多压抑的情绪。我也不知道为什么自己这么爱生气。有时我生父母的气，有时生爱人的气，有时生孩子的气，有时生同事的气，有时生陌生人的气，甚至有时生自己的气……我自己也知道这样不好，可我却不知道该如何去更正它。说真的，第二次得癌症后，我就更加气愤了。当我的朋友介绍我来找你时，我几乎不相信针灸或者中药能够帮到我什么，因为在此之前我也见过不少中医和自然疗法师。但令人惊奇的是，你像你的师父一样，不过是用你的小针头或者小木棍轻轻拨弄一下，我就感觉到深埋在我身体深处的那些小怪物们都陆陆续续跑出来了。我现在感觉轻松多了。” 

“那是因为你已经学会了嚎叫，”我嘻嘻笑着说，“不然那些小怪物们怎么会有机会跑出来呢？” 

“安娜医生，我还想问你一个问题。我以前做了化疗后总是呕吐，吃什么吐什么。吃了西药和别人介绍的许多草药都没有效果。这次化疗后，我也呕吐，可是你给了我一个小方子后，我吃了它几乎不恶心了。我想知道，这药是什么组成的，为什么它的止呕效果这么好？” 

我把主要成分告诉她时，她瞪大了眼睛：“这些草药我都有吃过的呀，为什么以前就没有见效呢？” 

“为什么？” 我笑着答，“因为以前你忘记在你的药方里面加上一味君药了!” 

“君药？” 

“对，君药，那是药方里面最主要的一味药。”

“那是什么呢？”

“那就是你自己呀。” 

“我自己？” 

那天我带着M在花园里的玫瑰树下静坐了一下，然后我说：“M，你看，这是我们种的草药，这些紫苏、枸杞、竹叶、桑叶、金银花、薄荷、菊花等等都可以帮你。甚至玫瑰花也都可以帮你，因为这些植物都有着它们各自特别的药性。然而，不论你吃什么药，其中最大的一味药却是你自己。 当你坚信你的病是一个使者，它来到你的身边不是为了惩罚你，而是为了纠正你生命中的不完美时，这时，你自己就成为了有着极其强大药性的一味药啊。你说是不是？” 

M似信非信地看着我。 

我带她走到园子里的一棵李树前。我问她，“你看看这棵李树和其它的李树有什么不一样？”

她仔细瞧了又瞧，“这棵树的根部比较纤细，似乎曾受过伤。”

我点点头，“阿里医生说，这棵树的确受过伤。你看，它的树根有一圈圈的伤疤，这就是它的细胞与细菌曾有过一次殊死搏斗而留下的痕迹。”

“可是安娜医生，这棵树上结的果子也特别大啊，它们比其他李树的果子都大。”

“啊，我很高兴你注意到了这一点。你知道为什么它的果子特别大吗，亲爱的M？”

“为什么？” 

“正因为它的根部曾受过病菌的感染，这棵树有意让受伤部位的木质变得更加坚韧，让它的根部更加深入土地。这样一来病菌就没有机会向更深的部位侵袭了。也正是因为它的根部比其它植物更加深入土地，它得到的养分也更加充沛，它的果实自然也变得比别的树木更加丰硕、甘美。” 

M似有所悟，不语。 

“所以，M， 植物也是很有智慧的啊。它们一旦生病，不但立即调动自己的潜在修复力来抵挡侵略，它们也很善于借助外力譬如大地母亲来强大自己。就算第一道防线不小心被突破，它们也会自觉地调动第二道、第三道防线来捍卫自己的生命，与病菌作不屈不挠的斗争….. 唔，植物们也懂得该如何将那些具有杀伤性的能量释放出来，用它们特有的方式？” 

“这就是为什么你说病人就是药方里的君药？” 

我点点头。 

那天送走M后，我在花园里的阳光下做了一会儿气功。起身时我的诗歌本子掉在了地上，我把它拾起来，只见展现在我面前的是米沃什的一首诗歌。

礼 物 

多么幸福的一天 

雾一大早就散了，我在花园里干活儿 

蜂鸟停在忍冬花上 

我知道 

这世上没有一样东西我想占有 

也没有一个人值得我羡慕 

任何我曾遭受的不幸，我都已忘怀

从前的我如今的我都是同一个我，这一事实并不让我觉得羞愧 

在我身上已无痛可言 

我直起腰来，看见了蓝色的海洋和帆船 

花园里， 阳光下，我直起身子，我的眼前没有蓝色的大海，也没有帆船，而是一只小鸟，它正俯身偷饮喷泉里的玫瑰花瓣上的甘露。

Whispering of Willows 55

By Dr. Anna Zhao

In the clinic garden, not long after sunrise, I have already picked a bag full of dew coated blueberries. Sitting down to rest, on my lap is a poetry book that I have been enjoying. 

The fruits in the garden are gradually growing. Dr. Ali planted several varieties of fruit this year, including purple, yellow and red plums. One day, when Dr. Ali was working in the garden, checking over one tree, he found two plums already ripened. Laughing like a child, he handed one fruit to me, took the other one for himself, and then raised it to touch mine, as a toast. Thusly we relished the first fruit of the year. 

Dr. Ali also installed a solar-powered miniature fountain next to the Buddha statue, in which fallen rose petals were placed. 

We have seen quite a few cancer patients recently, more than in previous years, especially breast cancer.

There is a cancer patient, I will call her M for the time being. With her consent, I will briefly write about her here.

M was depressed. I met her last year, and she always seemed laden with stress. It is rare to see her smile, let alone laugh out loud. This is the second time she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

As she is afraid of needles, I try to give her ear acupuncture (Auriculotherapy), and sometimes scraping, cupping and bojin (facia release technique).

Once she said, sheepishly, "I'm sorry, Dr. Anna, I don't know why I am so sensitive. I hope you don’t mind it. Even if you are using no needles, sometimes I still feel I am tender everywhere."

"Which is not a bad thing,” responded I, “it can also mean you are super sensitive with energy. Simply cry out loud when it hurts."

"Ah, no," she shook her head, abashed, "I'm not used to screaming. An introvert I am. When I feel pain, all I do is to grit my teeth and tighten my body."

"Not the best option, M," I emphasized, "whenever you experience a pain, it is important that you vocalize it."

"But why?"

"Well, according to my Master, this is the only way to pour out negative energy from the hidden bottle in your heart. My master said that most cancer stems from unspoken anger. Once the sealed-up emotions are fully expressed, the patient has commenced the journey of healing."

“I am not sure if I completely understand it. Can you please tell me more about what he said?”

“Of course, this is his main idea: A healthy body accompanies a person who has understood the importance of releasing deep buried tension.  In order to be healthy, we must lean how to release unwanted energy, such as stress, anxiety, hurt, pain, frustrations; all those pent-up emotions that are damaging our health.”

M looked at me, seemingly stirred.

I smiled and described to her my Master’s clinic. It was in Asia, in a small treatment center. As a reputable healer, he has hundreds of people flooding to see him everyday. He often sees multiple patients at the same time, who all lie down in the middle of the hall, screaming, crying, and wailing one after another. From a distance, the treatment centre sounds like a slaughterhouse. And what is the weapon in the Master's hand? Not a knife, not even a needle, but a small piece of wood no thicker than a pencil! And lo, a few minutes later, those patients, who had been yelling at the top of their lungs, simply jumped off the bed and left quietly, with a content and grateful smile on their face.

M shook her head in disbelief, "Are you saying these people are all healed instantly?"

"No, I did not say they are 100% healed, but it is evident they are in much better shape than when they came. They got far more than they expected. And they can return as needed to see the Master.”

"But," M frowned in confusion, "Why would a small piece of wood, not much bigger than a pencil, make them groan like that?"

"According to my Master, that is neither due to his treatment methods or his treatment tools. It is more like the howl from the patients' past experiences, such as past injuries, anger, grievances, frustrations, anxiety and fears. When they are released, they make terrible noises. During a treatment, the Master always asks the patients to keep their mouths open, to facilitate the escape of unwanted energy."

M ‘s eyes widened.

After that, whenever I treated M, she, though always a bit timid, began to cry out when experiencing pain. Once she said to me, emotionally, "Dr. Anna, you were right. My cancer is indeed caused by too much unspoken anger. I don't know why I get angry so easily. Sometimes I am angry at my parents, sometimes at my husband, sometimes at my kids, sometimes at my colleagues, sometimes at strangers, and sometimes even at myself... I know this is not good, but I don't know how to correct it. To be honest, after I got cancer the second time, I got even angrier. When my friend introduced me to you, at the time, I didn't really believe that acupuncture or any Traditional Chinese Medicine could help me, because I had seen quite a few TCM doctors in the past, as well as several alternative medicine doctors. But the amazing thing is that you, like your Master, utilizing your very fine needs or a small wooden stick, with a gentle poke, it dislodges the negative energy buried deep inside me, one after another, which I see as little monsters. I feel much lighter than before."

"That's because you have learned to howl," I said with a grin, "otherwise, how would those little monsters have the chance to escape?"

"Doctor Anna, I have another question for you. I often vomited after chemotherapy. The first time when I had chemo, I threw up pretty much everything I ate. I took Western medicine to no avail. I took many herbal medicines recommended by other doctors, and they still didn't work. Again, this year, with my chemotherapy, I vomited again, but with the small bag of herbal medicine you gave me, my nausea stopped soon after. Could you tell me what herb in it is so effective in preventing nausea?"

When I told her the main ingredients, her eyes widened: "I have taken these herbs before, why didn't they work in the past?"

"Why?" I giggled, "Because in the past the main ingredient in your herbal prescription was not included!"

"The main ingredient?"

"Yes, the main ingredient, in Chinese, we call it the sovereign herb, which is the most important ingredient in a formula."

"What is mine then?"

"It's you."

"Me?"

“Yes, you, yourself!”

That day, I invited M to medicate under the rose bushes in the garden, and then I said, "M, look, these are the herbs we planted. These perilla, goji, bamboo, mulberry, honeysuckle, mint, chrysanthemum, etc. they can all help you. Even roses can help you, as these plants all have their own special medicinal properties and medicinal effects. However, no matter what herbs you take, remember, the most potent ingredient is yourself. You must firmly believe that your illness is a messenger, and it comes to you not to punish you, but to correct the imperfections in your life. Then, you yourself becomes an active ingredient with extremely powerful medicinal properties. Don't you think so?"

M looked at me, bewildered.

I took her to a plum tree in the garden and asked her, "Tell me, my friend, what's the difference between this plum tree in front of you and the other plum trees beside it?"

She examined it carefully and said, "The bottom of this plum tree is slenderer. I suppose it may have suffered from an injury."

I nodded, "Dr. Ali said that this tree was indeed injured. You can still see the scars on its lower trunk, which is the battlefield left by the war between the tree’s healthy cells and its intruders."

"But Dr. Anna, I noticed the fruits on this damaged tree are also very large, they are quite a bit larger than those of other plum trees."

"Ah, M, I'm so glad you noticed this. Do you know why its fruits are so much larger, dear M?"

"Why?"

"It is because of this fact: when the tree was infested with a disease or bacteria, it deliberately made the wood of the injured part tougher and allowed its roots to reach deeper into the soil. In this way, the disease or bacteria had no chance to march into deeper parts of the tree. On the other hand, because its roots are stretched deeper into the soil than other plants, it gets more nutrients, and as a result, its fruits naturally become more abundant and sweeter than its neighbours’."

M seemed to have understood something but said nothing.

"So, M, plants also have wisdom. Once they get sick, they not only immediately mobilize their potential to repair themselves to resist invasion, they also turn quickly to gather help from external forces such as Mother Earth. That is how they strengthen themselves under serious circumstances. Even if their first line of defense is accidentally breached, they will consciously mobilize the second and third lines of defense to protect their lives and fight against any enemy unyieldingly... Who knows, maybe they even cry out – in their own way？”

"Is this why you say that I am the main ingredient in my herbal formula?"

I nodded.

That day, after M left, I did some Qigong in the sunlight in the garden. When I stood up, my poetry book fell to the ground. I picked it up and saw my favorite poem by Milosz in front of my face.

Gift  

(by Miłosz) 

A day so happy. 
Fog lifted early, I worked in the garden. 
Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers. 
There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess. 
I knew no one worth my envying him. 
Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot. 
To think that once I was the same man did not embarrass me. 
In my body I felt no pain. 
When straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails. 

I beamed, as I straightened up.  In front of me, I saw neither the blue sea or sailboats, but a bird leaning over and stealing nectar from the rose petals in the fountain.